When I was retired My wife demanded that I go with her to the local store for groceries. Unfortunately, just like the majority of males, I did not enjoy shopping and preferring to go in and out. My wife is like many women, she is a fan of shop. My dear wife was recently presented with the following letter from the store’s manager:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

In the last six months Your husband has caused quite a stir, inside our store.

We can’t tolerate this kind of behavior and we have had to remove all of you in the stores.

Our complaints about your husband Harris, Herr. Harris, are listed below, and are recorded by our surveillance video cameras:

  1. June 15: He seized 24 condoms from a storage container and randomly placed them in the carts of others while they weren’t.
  2. July 2, 2012: Make all alarm clocks within Housewares to sound at intervals of 5 minutes.
  3. July 7: He left an odour of juice from tomatoes on the ground that led to the bathroom for women.
  4. July 19: Greeted towards an employee and said in a formal voice, ‘Code 3 is in Housewares. You must take action right away’. This led the employee to quit her job and was reprimanded by her supervisor. This led to a union complaint which led to management losing time, and ultimately costing the company money. There is no Code 3. Code 3.
  5. August 4, 2010: I went to the Service Desk and tried to get an assortment filled with M&Ms in layaway.
  6. August 14: Relocated the ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign onto the carpeted area.
  7. August 15: Put up an outdoor campsite in the camping section and informed the children who came in that he would invite them to the tent with blankets and pillows from the bedding department , to which twenty kids agreed.
  8. August 23, when an employee asked if they could assist him, he started crying and shouted: ‘Why don’t you let me be alone Why can’t you just leave me alone?’ EMTs were contacted.
  9. September 4, 2014: He looked straight at the camera in the secure area and then used the camera as a mirror, while picking his nose.
  10. September 10, while dealing with guns in the hunt department, he inquired of the employee what the antidepressants were.
  11. October 3, 2010: I walked through the store in a suspicious manner while in a loud humming of the “Mission Impossible” theme.
  12. October 6, in the department of autos He practiced his “Madonna Look” using various size funnels.
  13. October 18, 2009: I walked into the clothing rack. As people were browsing through, shouted “PICK ME! Pick ME!’
  14. 14. October 22: As an announcement was broadcast over the loudspeaker, he jumped into the position of a baby and screamed;

‘OH NO! It’s those voices again”

15. I took a condom box to the cashier at the checkout and inquired about an appropriate room?

And lastbut certainly not last, but certainly not the least:

  1. October 23: I went to a bathroom and shut the door. and waited for a while before shouting with great force, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper this place.’ A clerk walked out.

 

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